going back to the start

Hard times. A call for introspection. To face oneself and ask: how did I come so far? How did I cope?

But, before I console myself, how long before this can end? Why should this miserable struggle continue? And, to what end. It’s kind of tiring. This world and its people and their apathy.

Give up and become one of them. Listen to what is being told and follow your patriarchal overlords’ whims and fancies. Pretend, yes, pretend that the extreme power imbalance has no consequences for their personal judgments. That power does not corrupt. That it is the way of the world. Run, run for life, for yourself, and for all that you ever stood for or they will out do you.

Or stand up, as always. For what is right not only in your judgement but in the large scheme of things. There is no race, and you know this. It is you and your choices in this world that matter. What you do with your life and how you do it. Remember abbu and what he used to say. Summon your inner self, reprimand it even. Have faith in people, they will lend to you what you need. They will. It might take time. Not all hope should be lost. Do what you think makes sense and you will eventually find yourself among those you wish to be with. And even if that does not happen, it should be enough — the deed. It should be enough to keep you going. Stop chasing undeserving people and things. It is pointless to seek from those who simply cannot give.